Hey LIO,

I moved to Victoria in September for school. Despite having been here for over five months, I’ve had no success meeting anyone special. I’m a decent-looking, sweet guy. While I get lots of passing smiles, I haven’t been able to make any connections. What am I doing wrong?

-Can’t Make A Connection

CMAC, it’s not what you’re doing wrong, but more likely what you’re not doing. Get up off your self-pitying ass, out into the halls, campus clubs, classrooms and courtyards, and start talking to people.

If you want people to take an interest in you, then you need to have interests. Join a club, get on an intramural team and get involved in your course union. More than anything, don’t be afraid to approach the people you’re interested in. Do it respectfully, read the signs. If you put yourself out there you may be surprised what comes back.

Hi LIO,

I’m a lesbian and not attracted to men at all. My question is, why does man-on-man turn me on — a lot? My girlfriend is starting to have a problem with this and gets anxious when she catches me ogling boys making out at Paparazzi. What am I supposed to say to my girlfriend?

-Lesbian Aroused by Dudes

Listen LAD, we know a lot of people, including queer girls, who find guy-on-guy hot. One of our resources pointed out that it’s not the masculinity that’s turning your crank, it’s the show of desire. You’re body is responding to the lusty display — maybe not the hard-at-work, chiselled jaws.

Now what should you do about it? Enjoy it. Reassure your lady friend that she still gets you dripping and that she’s welcome to reap the sweet benefits of your mano y mano arousal. Hopefully, being the beneficiary of your arousal will help her come around to accepting your stimulation.

Hello LIO,

I have no trouble picking up girls. I’m healthy, good looking, interesting and all that. I’ve been called handsome and a catch. But here’s my issue: lately, when I go out drinking and bring someone home or when I’m brought home, I’ve been having issues keeping it up — or getting it to come up at all. I’ve been really into some of these girls, so I don’t know what’s going on and it leaves me feeling totally emasculated and embarrassed.

-Embarrassingly Left Flaccid

ELF, there’s no need to be so hard on your hard-on (or lack thereof). Porn and pop-culture project the idea that the commanding cock must always be on duty when you’re in the bedroom. Unless you are popping Viagra, this is just not a reality. So relax and admit that you might have a case of the whiskey dick. While it’s frustrating, it isn’t the end of the world.

Anxiety about your performance could be a contributing factor here. There are some things you can do that should help mitigate your slinky snake issue. Start by taking care of yourself: eat well, exercise and stay hydrated, which may mean switching highballs for glasses of water toward the end of the night at the bar. If you smoke or eat a lot of meat, be aware: the same health issues that cause erectile dysfunction are the ones that cause heart attacks and strokes (namely issues affecting the circulatory system), so you may want to consider trying going veggie and kicking the nic.

Sara Wegwitz, the clinical nurse educator with UVic Health Services, agreed, and added that stress and depression can also be contributing factors, along with the use of recreational drugs and certain prescription medicines.

She also wanted us to assure you, ELF, that this is a very natural and periodic occurrence that affects nearly all men at some time or another in their lives.

If it’s an ongoing problem, Wegwitz suggested seeing a doctor, as it may be caused by a hormonal imbalance or other medical factor.

Medical stuff aside, in the heat of the moment don’t be shy about taking some time outs to play with yourself to get things going or to think about the pleasure of your lady friend. You might consider investing in a cock ring, or try taking a few days off from spanking the monkey.

Don’t worry — you’re still a catch, and you’re not alone in your flaccid phallus woes. Hell, you might even consider this as an opportunity to work on your non cock-related sexual skills. Remember, there are many ways to please a woman.

For all your sex or relationship questions, email sex@martlet.ca.