Love doesn’t only come in a heart-shaped box of chocolates
Photo via seekatesew.com.
In our constant search for romantic love, we often forget to acknowledge the friends who have been loving us in different ways the whole time. You can go for a walk in the moonlight or cuddle up in front of the TV with a friend the same way you can with a romantic partner. For some, the difference between platonic love and romantic love is the spark, the lack of sexual attraction. However, platonic love is not romantic love with something missing, it is a self-sufficient, deep form of connection.
Although often made a subplot in the media we consume, friendship is just as important and influential as romantic love. Think of all the friendship bracelets, birthday cards, and inside jokes you’ve shared with your friends over the years.
My friends have been the most constant thing in my life. They have taught me how to longboard, how to celebrate both my big and little wins, and they have watched me grow up and grow out of all the strange phases I’ve had. I have had friends wipe my tears when life gets rough, and we’ve screamed songs together with the windows down. Sometimes I will call up a friend and invite them over when I need to clean my room, they’ll lie on my bed and nap while I fold laundry.
Though these aren’t romantic gestures, they are intimate, and they demonstrate that non-romantic love can produce intimate and meaningful moments just as romantic love can.
I’m not the only one who believes in the importance of non-romantic love, either. I posted a poll to my followers on Instagram to see which relationship brings them the most fulfillment: friends or romantic partners. According to the 61 people who voted, 77 per cent of them gain more fulfillment from friends.
As a follow up question, I asked what friendships offer that romance doesn’t. Throughout the 19 written responses I collected, the biggest reason was that friends offer a community of support that is not necessarily a part of a romantic relationship. Many said they found more diversity among their friendships, that they didn’t have to rely on one person for all of their needs.
In addition, they found their friendships to be less stressful as they didn’t have to worry about the stability of the relationship. Like Phoebe Buffay says, “Boyfriends and girlfriends are gonna come and go, but [friendship] is for life.”
Platonic relationships are so important they have been cemented in art as well. Singers Khalid and Lorde both have albums, American Teen and Pure Heroine respectively, that encapsulate the feeling of growing up with friends. Wendy Cope’s poem, “The Orange”, starts with the sharing of an orange amongst three friends. It portrays an act of love, giving pieces of yourself to your friends without expecting something in return. Friendship is not an exchange of bodies or material things, like sex or flowers, it’s the exchange of time that is shared and valued by both people. You choose to continuously hang out with these people because you enjoy their presence!
In all our scrolling on dating apps and well-timed moments of eye contact at BiblioCafé, our friends are getting us our favourite drink or messaging us a photo with the caption “this reminded me of you.” These are acts of love that don’t rely on romance or endless scrolling to find the right match.
During the season of love, let’s not forget that love comes to us from more than one direction. Valentine’s Day is not only for romance, it is also a day to celebrate the friends in our lives that we love fiercely.
