Winter is finally leaving us, taking long nights for sleeping, cozy sweaters, and hot chocolate along with it. Here are some ways to get a head start on this quickly arising spring season.
1) Mourn your losses and move on
I just said we’re saying goodbye to long nights, sweaters, and hot chocolate. Try to keep up. That means we can’t lounge around watching Netflix all day in our comfy sweaters while unapologetically wasting our ever shortening lives. Now’s the time to wipe your tears with your over-priced, intentionally tacky sweater and spring into gear. Get it? This is the kind of crap that’s coming your way this cheery season.
2) Purchase several coats
This will help you prepare for spring’s annual Wear Your Jacket In The Morning Because It’s Cold Then Leave It At Work Because It’s Warm Out event. You will not let your co-worker win this year. You need this.
3) Trade in your winter rain boots for spring rain boots
To give you the best advice, I called the best boot advisory member I know: my grandma. According to her, the best strategy is to buy a lovely floral pattern, but pack a sweater just in case, and perhaps call more often.
4) Prepare for Canada Day
The only way to get the best seats for the fireworks is to set up your folding chairs and hidden alcoholic drinks at the Parliament Building now. Take this opportunity to relax, and protest security’s excessive use of the hose on unwanted guests.
5) Prepare for the spiders
They are awakening, and they are already prepared for you.
