S.W.A.G.— It’s Stuff We All Get, but what’s one to do with all the stuff once we’ve, you know, gotten it?
Plastic water bottle
Drinking from this vessel will probably kill you: plastic is poisonous. Why not use it as a watering can for that houseplant you’re trying to nurture? Wait, can plastic kill plants?
Metal water bottle
These are great for appearing like you’re drinking water, when you’re actually drinking the free milk you swiped from BiblioCafe.
1GB USB drive
Snatch up as many of these as possible. There’s nothing sexier than offering that cute girl or boy in your computer tutorial AN ENTIRE GB OF STORAGE. (This pick-up technique has mixed results.)
Post-it notes
There are really only two options here. One: use the miniature papers to share love notes with your crush. Two: write snarky, yet brief, reminders to your roommates.
Lanyard
I’d like to assume everybody knows NOT to wear a lanyard around their neck.
LENS/PENCILS/HIGHLIGHTERS
A good old-fashioned writing utensil requires the utmost respect—except when someone falls asleep in a room full of people; that’s a free pass to doodle on their face.
Gift cards
The most elusive of S.W.A.G. offerings. Treat with respect.
Condoms
The Internet has already run the gambit on alternative uses, so why not just enjoy the intended application? I think we’ve all heard good things.
Bibles
When your iPhone/iPad runs out of battery, this is a satisfactory substitute for the bible app.
