We know you read our emails. It’s okay. We understand that as of 2001 you took over major elements of Santa’s job description. However, in exchange we would like you to send us presents. This is only fair. The Martlet’s 2014 wish list is as follows:
The West Antarctic Ice Sheet
Could you put a word in for us with the Canadian UN climate negotiators? Keeping the West Antarctic ice sheet frozen has a number of advantages including not having to reprint all world maps and not being underwater.
A sense of time for the 14 bus route
We would love it if the 14 bus here in Victoria would run a touch more regularly, and by a touch we mean actually have it show up on time for once in our lives.
The CRD has 13 municipalities. At the risk of sounding like rocking-chair-bound, shotgun-toting grumplestiltskins, we just think we should consider having fewer mayors in the CRD than dinner guests at the Last Supper. Yes, we understand that each municipality has unique problems, but we’ve heard that some cities have things called “neighbourhoods.”
Winning Lottery tickets for pipeline workers
Our next wish is for every pipeline construction worker to win the lottery. Nothing major—just enough so that they don’t need to work anymore.
We want laptop chargers to be standardized. Put the kibosh on Apple’s bogus new chargers. I don’t want to buy a dongle so I can adapt my “old” laptop to the new charger. The same goes for their phones. I don’t actually know if this is within your jurisdiction, so at the very least fill the Apple CEO’s stockings with dirty coal and spoiled soy milk.
Finally, we want cats. Cats for everyone. Black cats, ginger cats, all the cats.