What you should dress as based on your major
Illustration by Sage Blackwell.
It’s almost Halloween here at UVic — the one night when everyone can stop pretending their degree is practical, and start pretending they have a sense of humour. Here’s the ultimate costume guide for every kind of academic dysfunction.
Psychology
Go as Freud. All you need is a fake beard, a cigar, and the unrelenting urge to tell everyone in the room that their costumes represent repressed desires. For couples, try Freud and his mom. It’s horrifying, it’s uncomfortable, and it’ll probably get you kicked out of at least one party.
Sociology
Dress as the thing you can’t stop talking about: a social construct. Tape words like “gender” or “class” to yourself. When someone asks what you are, whisper “You made me up” and slowly back away.
Anthropology
Dress as a researcher of modern culture. All you need is a lab coat, glasses, clip-board, and a fossil brush. Lurk in the corner observing people performing “ritualistic mating dances” to Pitbull and partaking in the “traditional bonding rituals” of taking shots. Take notes. Occasionally grunt approvingly.
Political Science
Go as the left versus the right. Split your outfit down the middle — red on one side, blue on the other — and debate yourself all night. Interrupt yourself often, make no clear points, and blame the other side for everything. If you want to rope your partner into the costume, try Carney and Poilievre, Canada’s favourite couple. One of you can explain the economy while the other yells about it.
Philosophy
Dress as an existential crisis. Wear a black turtleneck and a name tag that says “Who am I?” When people ask what you’re supposed to be, just stare into the distance and whisper: “A question without an answer.” For couples, you can dress as the only things that bring philosophy majors something close to joy: black coffee and a cigarette. All angst, no substance.
History
Dress as a primary source. Wrap yourself in parchment paper, add a label that says “Handle with Care,” and carry an aura of superiority. When someone tries to interact, tell them that you’re sorry, but they’ll have to go through the proper channels. For couples, go as the past and present. One of you wears dusty brown and mutters about the good old days, while the other wears neon colours and livestreams the party.
Biology
Be the mitochondria — what else would you be? Flex, wear gym clothes, and brag all night about being the powerhouse of the cell. It’s educational and obnoxious, the perfect combination. If you’re going with your partner, try a DNA double helix, a testament to commitment. Twist yourselves together with pool noodles and try to stay that way all night.
Environmental Studies
Those studying the environment can take this opportunity to make a statement: dress as erosion. Start the night with a full costume and slowly remove pieces. For our couples, try being a tree hugger and a tree. One of you can dress as a tree, while the other dresses as a hippie. Hug all night long. Be that couple.
Chemistry
Be a nerd — you won’t need to waste money on a costume, because you already are one. Bring a periodic table and spend the night explaining the elements to anyone who didn’t ask. No couple’s costume is necessary; statistically, it’s just you.
Physics
Be the force of gravity. Shove around your friends all night. When they get annoyed, and they will, just blame physics.
Computer Science
Deodorant. That’s all. The most heroic costume you could choose. If you insist on the couple’s look, try hardware and software. One of you can wear metallic silver and the other can dress in code-covered clothes. Together you’re compatible — until someone loses Wi-Fi.
Mathematics
Dress as irrational pi. Become your favourite flavour of pie and talk nonsense all night. Occasionally shout decimals for dramatic effect. Nobody else will get the joke, but do people normally get your jokes?
Business
Go as inflation. Cover yourself in inflated balloons and a price tag. Inflate more throughout the night and with each added balloon, raise your price. If you’re going with a partner, dress as ChatGPT and a business student. One of you won’t even need to dress up — ChatGPT can do all of the work, because it already does.
Economics
Be the recession. Wear a grey suit, dramatically turn the pockets inside out, and carry a bindle over your shoulder. Dramatically sigh every once in a while, and tell everyone, “Times are tough.”
Visual Arts
Be a self-portrait. Tape a photo of your own face to your chest and call it a commentary on self-perception. For couples, dress as Van Gogh and his ear. One is a misunderstood genius, the other is a disembodied cry for help.
Theatre
Be an understudy. It’s easy — copy someone else’s costume, but make it slightly worse. Follow them around all night, and prepare to jump in when it’s your time to shine. Couples can go as a drama king and queen. Arrive fashionably late, demand attention, and break up in the middle of the party.
Let’s face it, Halloween isn’t about dressing up; it’s about dressing exactly like yourself, but pretending it’s ironic. Whether you’re debating yourself or decomposing symbolically, just remember: the scariest thing at UVic isn’t a costume, it’s realizing you picked the wrong major three years ago.
