Whether you’re memorizing the periodic table at midnight or crying over your latest art critique, there’s a place for you here
Photo courtesy of the University of Victoria.
If you are an eager high school student planning to start your undergraduate journey in September (even a last-minute applicant with a questionable GPA), make sure to apply before April 15 when UVic undergraduate applications close.
But before you submit your time (and money) to your future alma mater, take a moment to explore your options. University is not just about academics and party life — it’s about choosing the best flavour of suffering to match your personality for the next four years minimum.
Engineering and Computer Science
Get ready to trade all your basic social skills for the ability to remember formulas that can’t save you even when the exam is open-book. You can expect to spend the next five years (or six, or seven if you can’t land a co-op and you are repeating failed prerequisite classes) with a nonexistent sleep schedule, whiteboard marker fume induced delusions, strong body odor, and Febreze which a singular brave engineering girl sprays throughout the classroom. And don’t forget: the “H” in engineering and computer science stands for happiness.
Humanities
Here are all the people who were told they were good at English, but now they can’t read a book to save their life. Also, all of them low-key wanted to be writers, but they thought that getting a BA instead of a BFA was a smarter move (it isn’t).
Whether you are studying Philosophy (hello unemployment), History (congrats on not having a panic attack this week), or English (might be good to practice your burger-flipping skills), on the plus side, you can have cool, deep conversations that will keep you entertained and ignoring your growing student debt.
Science
Well, well, well, if it isn’t our future doctors! I’m only talking to two of you, so don’t get too excited.
There are two types of science students — those who are in a never-ending battle royale to get into medical school and those who think that kelp, rocks, and stars are really cool. If you are the latter type of nerd, hit me up in about ten years when you finally finish your PhD because, let’s be real, you are really only going to school just so you can nerd out with a bunch of other nerds.
Business
Ah, the Peter B. Gustavson School of Business, the most popular mixer for rich kids to marry other rich kids. If you are not aspiring to be a man in “finance, trust-fund, 6’5”, blue eyes,” don’t even think about applying; they’ll eat you alive!
Okay, fine, you can still apply, but you have to lock in, okay? You’ll need to adopt an entrepreneurial mindset at its finest, always. Network your way to the top, whatever that means to you (say goodbye to your soul), and rehearse your rich laugh as you resell the answers to last year’s exams.
Social Sciences
If the words “late-stage capitalism” or “neurodivergence” mean anything to you, then you need to stop doom scrolling on TikTok. But also, you probably belong here! Social science students care about the people. They are very passionate about activism with their political science, psychology, and sociology… unless, God forbid, any potential sacrifices might interrupt their daily lives. Now, that is a line that you are not supposed to cross.
Well, at least when things are going downhill you can critically analyze why society is collapsing, even if it would make more sense to actually do something about it.
Fine Arts
The greatest, most awesomest faculty and programs ever (I give it five years before all the budget goes to engineering and they have to close). Who needs to worry about the future? Certainly not fine arts people — they already know they’ll survive off of instant ramen for the rest of their lives.
Nothing can compare to the 3a.m. unhinged creative bursts and existential dread as you repeat to yourself that you’ll never be good enough. And no, it never goes away — ask the fine arts professors who still haven’t recovered from being rejected by the New Yorker in 1998. You’ll soon learn that your peers praising your work means jackbeans when you actually have to pay in order to get your work out there. If you are lucky, you’ll be brought on by a local artisanal café, but don’t worry, Starbucks is always hiring!
Dis-Honourable Mention: The Undecided Major
You are not ready for a relationship, a faculty, or a program? I’m impressed that you can even decide what clothes to wear in the morning.
But it’s okay! Commitment is scary, I get it! So did my ex-boyfriend. Better to try many things now and find out what you like (which is code for not declaring so that you can get into the more difficult programs after not making the cut the first time).
So, future UVic students, choose wisely. And remember: no matter what faculty you end up in, we all hate the UVSS.
