} June 26, 2025
Horoscopes for very specific groups of people: Astrology for kung fu action film stars
Aries (March 21 – April 19) The movement of Saturn will mean many hardships for you this week. You might have to run up a wall, start drinking, protect your uncle’s shop from hooligans, leap a chasm, stop drinking, fight an axe gang, protect the Chinese ambassador’s...Horoscopes for very specific groups of people: This week: astrology for freestyle rappers
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Yo. It’s time for you to stop, look and listen to the stars above. Aries is the god of war, but for you they whisper “love.” And I know you feel like you’ve walked the whole route of it, actin’ like Alicia Keys, falling in and out of it....Horoscopes for very specific groups of people: Astrology for daytime television archetypes
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Welcome to the show! Many lingering questions will be answered this week, the most important being: is Aries the father of Pisces’ baby? Aries says that the baby couldn’t be his because Pisces has been with four other astrological signs!...Horoscopes for Very Specific Groups of People: Astrology for people who enjoy camping and the outdoors (I don’t)
Aries (March 21–April 19) The stars are showing positive movements for your sign. What’s that? You wanna see the stars better? Then go check ‘em out on Google. The hell we gotta go camping for? Stay your ass home. Taurus (April 20–May 20) Negotiation skills will come...Our Digital Print Issue
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