• News
  • Opinions
  • Features
  • Culture
  • Sports | Lifestyle
  • Humour
  • About
  • Jobs
  • More
    • Volunteer
    • Advertising
    • Pitch your story ideas

Horoscopes for very specific groups of people: Astrology for people who need to figure it out

by Alain Williams | Nov 29, 2012 | Humour

Aries (March 21 – April 19) Love is on the horizon! If you are single, you may meet someone new. If you are currently with someone, you will be presented with an opportunity to advance your relationship to a new level. Either way, you need to figure it out, homie! Get...

Horoscopes for very specific groups of people: Astrology for kung fu action film stars

by Alain Williams | Nov 22, 2012 | Humour

Aries (March 21 – April 19) The movement of Saturn will mean many hardships for you this week. You might have to run up a wall, start drinking, protect your uncle’s shop from hooligans, leap a chasm, stop drinking, fight an axe gang, protect the Chinese ambassador’s...

Horoscopes for very specific groups of people: This week: astrology for freestyle rappers

by Alain Williams | Nov 1, 2012 | Humour

Aries (March 21 – April 19) Yo. It’s time for you to stop, look and listen to the stars above. Aries is the god of war, but for you they whisper “love.” And I know you feel like you’ve walked the whole route of it, actin’ like Alicia Keys, falling in and out of it....

Horoscopes for very specific groups of people: Astrology for daytime television archetypes

by Alain Williams | Oct 25, 2012 | Humour

Aries (March 21 – April 19) Welcome to the show! Many lingering questions will be answered this week, the most important being: is Aries the father of Pisces’ baby? Aries says that the baby couldn’t be his because Pisces has been with four other astrological signs!...

Horoscopes for Very Specific Groups of People: Astrology for people who enjoy camping and the outdoors (I don’t)

by Alain Williams | Sep 27, 2012 | Humour

Aries (March 21–April 19) The stars are showing positive movements for your sign. What’s that? You wanna see the stars better? Then go check ‘em out on Google. The hell we gotta go camping for? Stay your ass home. Taurus (April 20–May 20) Negotiation skills will come...
« Older Entries

Can’t get enough?

Subscribe to Newsletter

Our Digital Print Issue

The Martlet on Instagram

Tags

  • Campus
  • Local
  • National
  • Victoria
  • Editorials
  • Letters
  • News
  • Film
  • Food
  • Literature
  • Theatre
  • Sports
  • Lifestyle
  • Housing

Recent Posts

UVic peacock
} January 26, 2023
​Students flock to Instagram to follow the beloved UVic peacock 
Tipping
} January 26, 2023
The current state of tipping needs to change
The Wicket Hall, photo by Kristen de Jager.
} January 26, 2023
Ranking Victoria’s nightclubs

@TheMartlet

Tweets by TheMartlet

Courier

The Martlet
Student Union Building
Room B011
University of Victoria
3700 Finnerty Road
Victoria, B.C.
V8W 5C2
 

About the Martlet

The Martlet has been UVic’s source for
independent news since 1948. We have a strong audience of approximately 1000 readers per day on our website, and pride ourselves in being the place the UVic community can look to learn more about what’s going on at their university.

Contact Us

Call Us

  • Follow
  • Follow
  • Follow
  • Follow

Latest Posts

UVic peacock
} January 26, 2023
​Students flock to Instagram to follow the beloved UVic peacock 
Tipping
} January 26, 2023
The current state of tipping needs to change
The Wicket Hall, photo by Kristen de Jager.
} January 26, 2023
Ranking Victoria’s nightclubs

Newsletter

Subscribe to Newsletter

Categories

  • Alumni Testimonials
  • Business | Tech
  • Culture
  • Elections
  • Featured Story
  • Features
  • Group/Campus Profile
  • Humour
  • News
  • Opinions
  • Sports | Lifestyle
  • Uncategorized
  • Video

Our paper is written and published on the unceded lands of the Lekwungen peoples, and the Songhees, Esquimalt, and W̱SÁNEĆ peoples whose relationships with this land continue to this day.

2022 © Copyright Martlet Publishing Society. All rights reserved. Website by CL Web Developers.