Apologies for accidental texts

Hey, just want to say I’m sorry I pocket-texted you in the middle of your orthodontist appointment.

Michael Phelps behind maple syrup heist

A satirical look at Quebec’s most saccharine felony.

Horoscopes For Very Specific Groups of People: Astrology for Kanye West

(Not his fans. Just Kanye West. His star power lets him encompass all the star signs.)

The full-faced fury of beard-dignation

I’ve been letting it grow for the better part of four months, and people ask me why.

The best music for studying

In the spirit of a new school year, here are the best types of studying music for your first assignment of the year.

Horoscopes For Very Specific Groups of People: Astrology for drunk people at the club

(In which the writer takes a shot before and after each star sign is written. This should be good …)

Best ways to kill an orca

Yes, they’re beautiful, and their colours are as bold and distinct as an Oreo’s—dunked in the Pacific rather than milk — but do not be fooled: orcas are killer whales.…

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