Spoof

I gave up pretending to be @dril on Yik Yak after mods kept deleting my shit

Last issue, I expressed my disdain for Yik Yak and the woes of anonymity within an open forum, and while I admit that piece may have lacked a certain nuance,…

HUMOUR: I got high and asked why UVic’s Webmail looks so ’90s

I met my guide, Don, a middle-aged systems administrator with dad jeans and a friendly mustache in an unknown wing of the Clearihue basement. I walked over to shake his hand…

The UVSS and SPCA are teaming up to give new graduates aging dogs instead of degrees

For the past couple of years, the terrors of exam time have been mediated with the Pacific Animal Therapy Society (PATS), the UVSS’s De-Stress Week campaign puppy playtime. Now, De-Stress…

Dating advice for a galaxy far, far away

Dear Abby, I’m writing to you because I’m in the same problem so many women find themselves in. I’m a good girl who’s in love with a bad boy. But…

Fir tree goes to court

By Heilman Amos The big fir on the east side of the creek is fed up with tourists calling him old. He promises to fall over on the next bunch…

People in SUB do things?

By Max Power So I saw this guy a while ago? You know, that one guy, with the hair and the shirts? Well, the guy was walking past that place…

CLASSIFIEDS WANTED One free object: Must be roughly two to 10 feet in length. Must be light enough to carry home but heavy enough to harm others. Can be made…

Coffee shop opens —serves coffee!

By Agnes Elliott Doyle A brand new coffee shop is slated to open in Victoria next week. There is high demand for another one to open, since according to studies…

UVic prof tells hilarious and original joke—most students laugh, several predictably offended

By Neil G. Rayzer UVic Political Science professor Jeffrey Kincaide reportedly told a funny joke to a half-full lecture hall on the Friday prior to Reading Break. Allegedly the professor…