A Victoria night-out survival guide for when U-Haul Night is full
Graphic by Sage Blackwell.
The other night, I — a gay — tried to attend the glorious sapphic event, “U-Haul Night,” at the Vicious Poodle downtown. With a U-Haul moving truck ceremoniously parked across the street (we’ll never know if that was truly was on purpose or not), the event’s name represents the whimsical lesbian tendency to move in with your partner ridiculously fast.
Queen after queen in feathers, leather, and mini-dresses approached from the east that night, and dropped their jaws staring at the parade of lesbians down Johnson Street. Whether from good advertising, January cabin fever, or a space actually dedicated to queer people, the Vicious Poodle has created a swirling vortex on their dance floor, sucking in every hot masculine woman I’ve ever seen. I nearly shed a tear at the number of glistening carabiners on belts and cigarettes between fingers (for looking cool, not for smoking).
Everybody there knew they weren’t going to get to pet the Poodle the second they finished the hike to the back of the line. The queue was frozen all night because, as expected, U-Haul Night was packed and popular.
So, the question is: where else can we go if not the Vicious Poodle (or, heaven forbid, Paparazzi)? Good news: there are vacancies in three venues downtown, and I want the LGBTQ+ community to move in.
The Duke Saloon
This might seem like a trick. However, Western = Cowboy = Gay. I don’t make the rules. Country can be old-fashioned, yes, but the Duke celebrates everyone on their dance floor. The live music is full and loud with the same few comfortable bands falling into their lively rhythms, and two different bars make drink queues short. Many people legitimately formally ask others to dance, twirling around and holding hands like it’s middle school. Butches: take your femmes to swing dance at the Duke. You know they would want to.
Friends of Dorothy
Queer history lesson: Judy Garland, who played Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, was an advocate for LGBTQ+ rights throughout her career after singing “Over the Rainbow.” So, in the 50s, when gay people asked each other: “Are you a friend of Dorothy?” they were actually secretly asking: “Are you queer?”
Friends of Dorothy is perfect: small in a cozy way, with tables to sit at so you can get drinks with friends and hang out. There are drag shows scheduled by local artists, as well as other events like karaoke nights and happy hours. Lesbians, I’m looking at you: Friends of Dorothy has Sapphic speed dating events! If U-Haul is making U wait, this should be your backup location!
The Mint
This gem, like many secret buildings in Victoria, is hidden down a strangely long flight of stairs, which is why many people miss it when passing on the street. Despite the Mint’s casual appearance and marketing as a Himalayan restaurant, they have a bar with signature cocktails, beer on tap, and are open until 2 a.m. every night. When my friends and I visited last month, we walked straight into a drag queen’s birthday party. We talked to the staff as they opened doors for the impromptu smoke machine, and they told us, “These are our favourite regulars!” If you want to really feel safe on your queers-night-out, go hunker down at the Mint and try one of their many flavours of pakoras.
I’ll update you if I ever get into U-Haul Night. In the meantime, try these chic, underrated places rather than shivering in the cold lineup with the rest of the LGBTQIA+ community.
