Humour

Top five hazmat suits for weathering COVID-19

With the ever-growing and changing threat of the coronavirus, just going outside to grab the mail can seem like a life-or-death situation. If you’re out of soap and hand sanitizer…

Lions, aliens, and Kardashians: The worst conspiracy theories about COVID-19

COVID-19 is spreading around the globe, and so is misinformation about the disease. But these conspiracy theories take misinformation to the next level by completely altering facts and ignoring scientific…

Life after corona: A journey through the wilds of UVic

The quad is an overgrown mess of grass, with the occasional forgotten Blundstone and slackline still dotting the landscape. The nostalgia-inducing smell of freshly burnt coffee, which surprisingly could still…

Students of residence tire of UVic’s COVID-19 policies, take over University Centre in protest

In a stunning turn of events, UVic students have (once again) occupied the University Centre in a protest — and this time, it’s in protest of UVic’s mercurial response to…

BREAKING: The bunnies strike back

Following numerous reports of bunnies returning to campus, the Martlet is re-opening our “Bunny Bureau” and hiring rabbit reporters to correspondent positions to investigate the return of the bunnies.

Settlers must go home, initiate Back-to-Europe movement

In response to the ongoing conflict between provincial authorities and the Wet’suwet’en people, we must find a way to end the effects of North America’s settler invasion. Thus, I present…

DEAREST READER | An association must be founded to give voice to dejected single people

At time of writing, Valentine’s Day has very nearly unleashed itself upon millions of unsuspecting Hallmark recipients. However, today I write not of the chocolate-recipients or Tinder date-goers, but rather…

A brief taxonomy of why people raise their hands in class

Students often raise their hands in class, for an assortment of reasons. We offer here a record of our writer’s observations to provide a taxonomy of the phenomenon.

The Martlet’s valentines

Valentine's Day is a time for letting the people in your life know how you feel about them — whether they are your partner, a community radio station, or the…