Stories | Satire

Can I marry my iPhone 5?

Five questions to stave off buyer’s remorse.

Apologies for accidental texts

Hey, just want to say I’m sorry I pocket-texted you in the middle of your orthodontist appointment.

Michael Phelps behind maple syrup heist

A satirical look at Quebec’s most saccharine felony.

The full-faced fury of beard-dignation

I’ve been letting it grow for the better part of four months, and people ask me why.

Best ways to kill an orca

Yes, they’re beautiful, and their colours are as bold and distinct as an Oreo’s—dunked in the Pacific rather than milk — but do not be fooled: orcas are killer whales.…