satire

UVic should hold competitive study events, see who can ruin their health the fastest

"Being as I lack the stamina and fortitude to compete in the sport of Extreme Exam Periods, I have resolved, unqualified though I am, to compile something of an outline…

University should improve fundraising efforts, shake down students for cash

How might modern colleges more efficiently, and with a friendly disposition, extract funds from reluctant current and former students? I have at least observed a handful of appropriate methods, some…

DEAREST READER | A proclamation of the foundation of the Church of Latter-Day Students

Some may look dimly on the prospect of conjuring from the æther a new and mortal-centred yet divine doctrine. Nevertheless, I warrant that so long as midterms, finals, essays, and…

UVic must expand commercial opportunities, build shopping centre

"I propose a redoubling of UVic’s attempts to attract corporate interests to the campus, that we may both line our coffers and provide additional shopping experiences to our many prosperous…

Dearest Reader | The Age of Consent should be raised to thirty nationwide

How many countless heartbreaks and uncomfortable, lonely walks along the quad after a furtive late-night tryst has UVic borne witness to? It’s our writers earnest intention that such unpleasantness can…

Ka-ching! Ka-ching! Hear those graduation bells ring!

With all the pressure that comes with graduation, it can be difficult to look on the bright side. But the Ostrich is here to help. As a graduating student, you…

Exclusive: UVSS slates leaked ahead of 2020 election

As with any good election cycle, though the 2019 student elections are over, our coverage of the 2020 UVSS elections has only just begun. Below are the names and platforms…

For the love of toast

You’ve got a lot on your plate… but there’s probably room for toast With midterms, assignments, part-time or full-time jobs, and a gazillion other things on your plate, who has…

Victoria cycling community in outrage at Helps’ plan for pedestrian lanes

Victoria Mayor Lisa Helps is being criticized for giving cyclists the curb degree Monday saw a record number of angry Victoria residents at this past City Council meeting. Reflective vests,…