satire
5 ways to make your man think you’re a goddess in bed
(According to the patriarchy) 1. Always be excited and ready to have sex whenever your man wants it . . . But don’t have a sex drive of your own The first step to…Tensions high as Ring Road standoff enters 45th hour
Onlookers are beginning to worry as a standoff between a student trying to cross Ring Road and a car enters its 45th hour. Various members of the gathered crowd confirmed…Nutrition, flavour, and other wonders to be found in residence meals
In light of recent events, the Martlet has found it pertinent to update previous statements regarding UVic’s Food Services. Reports now show campus food to not only be entirely reliable…International students thrilled at prospect of tuition hikes
According to a recent poll commissioned by the UVic Board of Governors, 97 per cent of UVic’s international students reported feeling “moderately excited to completely thrilled” about the increase in…Canada to fly advertising banner over Trump inauguration
In a bold attempt to increase immigration from south of the 49th parallel, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced that the federal government will be flying an advertising banner over…Trump attempts to put toddler rumours to rest, rejects new airplane
President-elect Donald Trump is denying he is a toddler by pledging to cancel an order for a new Air Force One. In a tweet last week, Trump wrote that “Boeing…How to trick-or-treat in your twenties
Do you remember when Halloween wasn’t about getting drunk at that Halloween party hosted by that friend of a roommate of yours, or what generic group costume you’ll wear? I’m…Duke, Duchess of Cambridge considering UVic for children after recent visit
It seems there’s more on the minds of William and Kate as they unpack from their weeklong Canadian tour than the oversized maple leaf hat they lugged back for the…Our Digital Print Issue
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