Prepare to feel cleaner than ever before
Maturing is realizing the unfortunate truths in life, like how no one knows how to properly merge on the highway, that barista doesn’t actually like you, and the most unfortunate truth of them all: some people stink.
No one wants to talk about it. No one wants to acknowledge it. But it’s true. At the end of the day, we’re just wild animals who are dirty and smell bad. But it doesn’t need to be that way.
I tried a friend’s bidet for the first time over the summer and promptly got my own. Since that fateful day, my life has changed for the better.
They come in several different forms: a handheld nozzle, a standalone fixture that is usually found beside a toilet, or an add-on that fits inside a toilet.
If you’ve travelled to Europe or Asia, you’ve probably encountered a bidet already. They are popular in France, Japan, and Portugal. In Italy, it’s even a requirement that houses are built with a bidet installed.
Almost everyone I’ve talked to has been hesitant to try a bidet, and I get it. After a lifetime of only knowing toilet paper, it’s scary to try something new. But without fail, every time they do try it out, they end up realizing just how wrong they were for being hesitant.
For some reason North Americans think that toilet paper on its own is the be-all and end-all for cleaning up after yourself. Guess what, it’s not. Imagine this, you get fecal matter on your foot. You wouldn’t just wipe it off with a piece of paper and call it a day — you’d wash it off. So why is your butt any different?
If for some reason the hygiene benefits don’t interest you, then maybe the environmental advantages of using a bidet will be enough to get you using one. Yes, bidets use water, but the amount of water is definitely less than what it takes to make toilet paper.
Now, there are two major downsides to using a bidet. Firstly, I can’t stand using a bathroom without one. If I’m forced to use the facilities sans water jet, I’m left feeling gross for the rest of the day. Secondly, I now heavily judge everyone who doesn’t use one.
There are tons of affordable bidet brands widely available here in Canada, with some as cheap as $50. But if you have some extra money to spend, then the sky’s the limit. Heated water, air drying, and angle adjustments are all features that can be found in higher-end models.
I expected the installation of mine to be tricky and frustrating, but about 20 minutes after opening the box, I entered a brand new world of cleanliness. If someone like me can figure out how to install it, then you truly have nothing to worry about. If you live in a rental, don’t worry, they are just as easy to uninstall.
I know that pooping is a hard topic to talk about for a lot of people, but it is one of the most universal experiences for us as humans.
And if you’re staunchly anti-bidet, at least buy yourself some wet wipes.