spoof

CLASSIFIEDS WANTED One free object: Must be roughly two to 10 feet in length. Must be light enough to carry home but heavy enough to harm others. Can be made…

Coffee shop opens —serves coffee!

By Agnes Elliott Doyle A brand new coffee shop is slated to open in Victoria next week. There is high demand for another one to open, since according to studies…

UVic prof tells hilarious and original joke—most students laugh, several predictably offended

By Neil G. Rayzer UVic Political Science professor Jeffrey Kincaide reportedly told a funny joke to a half-full lecture hall on the Friday prior to Reading Break. Allegedly the professor…

Ford stupored, remains mayor

 By Gaberaham Lunncoln Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was found this past week to be acting in a ludicrous manner in the presence of the media and all those wielding iPhones.…

Briefs: the silent killer!!!1!

By Adam Gooddayman Scientists have finally gathered enough information to confirm a long-held hypothesis that briefs, or “tighty whities,” are, in fact, deadly. “Let’s start off with the waistband,” said…

UVSS bans itself from the SUB

By Neil G. Rayzer In an effort to be taken more seriously by students, the UVSS voted unanimously to ban itself from the SUB. An unnamed interim representative was quoted…

Lone banjo player plays music downtown sometimes

By Bro Tears A man with a banjo was seen singing something on a street downtown last Tuesday at around noonish. It was folk music, or something alternative, and it…

Some club does something

By Wallace Staples A UVic club that re-creates past events has received disciplinary action for their refusal to acknowledge that, despite the inclusion of a famous author’s book series and…

Young man talks to senior in locker room; senior uncomfortable

By Neil G. Rayzer A local student has been reported as speaking unsolicited to an area senior in the change room of a local gym. According to sources, the elderly…