Stories | Satire

There’s fashionably late—and then there’s American Thanksgiving

American Thanksgiving makes no sense. Now, before any Americans get all up in their right to bear arms and try to shoot me through the head with their grandmother’s shotgun,…

F*cking an introvert: 9 things you should know

Editor’s note: During the process of editing this article, a passage was removed from the introduction that was fundamental to the thesis of the piece. After consulting with the author, we’ve agreed…

Backyard chickens: ‘til death do us part

Early in the spring of 2014, while my partner and I were planning our garden for the year, we became convinced that in the distant future we should get chickens.…

5 barbaric cultural practices worth tattling on your peers for

If the Conservatives had gotten their way on Oct. 19, the RCMP would be answering your grandma’s calls about her neighbour’s rap music right now via the barbaric cultural practices…

NASA and nutjob confirm water, space cows on Mars

In a stunning media release last week, scientists at NASA — and a conspiracy theorist from Victoria — have announced that the red planet may be less barren than was once previously believed. On…

Crow’s low blows anything but highbrow

Have you or a loved one ever been attacked by a crow? Don’t laugh. This is serious. I mean a full on, Hitchcockian dive-bomb attack? I have not, but my…

Flushing away the career-change malaise

Since stepping down as editor-in-chief of this fine publication, I’ve had the chance to reflect on what I want to do next in my life. I’ve thought about starting a…

Drunkards maintain reasonable volume on public transit

A group of clearly intoxicated college-aged men were observed on the 14 bus Wednesday night conver-sing at a decibel level much lower than would typically be expected after having several…

A pint-size disappointment

How to deal with melting expectations